MSE81 版 (精华区)

发信人: solidwater (慢慢融化), 信区: MSE81       
标  题: 转发一篇joke，希望eigen同学开心
发信站: BBS 听涛站 (Fri Dec  5 15:30:23 2003), 站内


 作者  ggy (to be or not to be)                             站内  Joke                                                  
 标题  口误                                                                                                             
 时间  Thu Dec  4 20:27:24 2003                                                                                         
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第一个：                                                                                                                
　　一小学生第一次参加学校的朗诵比赛，特别紧张，老师鼓励了老半天，手心还是冒汗。                                        

终于轮到她了。小学生一咬牙，几步走到了台中央：“老师们，同学们，我朗诵的题目是：                                        

红叶疯（枫）了.“                                                                                                       
　　~·#￥**.                                                                                                           
　　                                                                                                                    
　　第二个：                                                                                                            
　　还是一小学生，看到被老师点到念作文的同学，特别羡慕，总盼着老师也能让自己念一                                        

回。机会终于来了。                                                                                                      
　　“某某，把你的作文给大家念一下！“                                                                                  
　　小学生“腾“地一下站起来：“《我的老师》。老师，我多象你的妈妈.“：（                                               
　　                                                                                                                    
　　第三个：                                                                                                            
　　我家里在冬天经常把大葱栽在盆子里，以保持它的鲜嫩。                                                                  
　　我妹妹过年回家看到了，欣喜地对我妈说：“哎！妈，这粗真葱.“                                                         
　　我和我妈皆笑倒。                                                                                                    
　　                                                                                                                    
　　第四个：                                                                                                            
　　有个我叫“大姑“的邻居，每天骑自行车上班。                                                                          
　　一早，在门口碰到她，我微笑着客气了一句：“上姑啊，大班.“                                                           
　　呸！.我当时恨不得把自己的舌头咬下来。                                                                               
　　                                                                                                                    
　　第五个：                                                                                                            
　　我还是小学生的时候，在全校大会上表决心：“我们要学习红军过雪山爬草地的革命精                                        

神.“ 从此以后终身被剥夺政治发言权利。                                                                                  
　　                                                                                                                    
　　第六个：                                                                                                            
　　高中的时候老师让我的同桌朗读课文，此女历来以朗读生动见称，那天也是同样抱着课                                        

本抑扬顿挫的朗读：.他坚守着暴风雪中的哨岗，手中紧紧握着一支钢枪.（原文）                                                
　　我们听到的是.                                                                                                       
　　.他坚守着暴风雪中的哨岗，手中紧紧握着一支钢笔.                                                                      
　　.全班一阵沉默，老师笑倒，之后同学倒.                                                                                
　　                                                                                                                    
　　第七个：                                                                                                            
　　我带儿子去喂鸭子。他一边给鸭子撒面包屑一边追鸭子到处跑，我拿着他的苹果在后面                                        

追他（他不爱吃，我只能在他精神分散的时候伺机塞给他几口）。他不停地跑，我不停地喊                                        

他：“过来吃一口苹果再追鸭子！“总是重复这一句，我终于大声喊出了口：“过来吃一口                                        

鸭子.“然后很聪明地刹住了闸。                                                                                           
　　                                                                                                                    
　　第八个：                                                                                                            
　　记得上小学的时候，有片课文叫瀑布的，中间说到作者转过一座山见到一条瀑布垂在山                                        

间，我的一个女同学朗读的时候也是声情并茂的念：转过这座山，我惊呆了，一条破布挂在                                        

山上。                                                                                                                  
　　全班同学都惊呆了。                                                                                                  
　　                                                                                                                    
　　第九个：                                                                                                            
　　从俄罗斯作家的小说摘来的课文里有一句是：这里的房子都是老爷（指有钱人）们的。                                        

结果我的一个男同学朗读道：这里的房子都是老爷们儿的。话音一落，我们语文老师就疑惑                                        

地问他：那老娘们儿都住哪儿？                                                                                            
　　                                                                                                                    
初一时候，班长同学不学无术，但非常得老师宠爱，每每被叫起来朗读课文，无奈班长大人                                        

常常驳老师面子，诸如把《打猎》年成《打猪》一类的，常常发生。                                                            
　　                                                                                                                    
　　某天，班长又被叫起来念课文，可能头天晚上在家温书来者，声情并茂，感人非常。到                                        

了该煽情的事情，原文为“啊！蔡老师”，班长大人大声地读成“啊！祭老师”。我们班老                                        

师刚好姓纪。我们当场都倒下了。                                                                                          


学校歌咏比赛,全班练习《二小放牛郎》,男领唱每每唱到“那放牛的孩子王二小,总是唱成                                         
“那放牛的孩子王小二”                                                                                                  


还有一次，上学的时候，忘了让我们同学填什么表格，我一时情急，又想说“表”，又想说                                        

“单子”，结果说成，“来，你添一下这个表子”，结果自己都寒得要命。                                                      


初中时候 又一次上课 老师进来 大家没看见 老师走到讲台前 敲敲桌子 大叫一声“起立”                                        

 然后班长条件反射大叫一声“上课”                                                                                       

我来说个逗的吧，就是前2天的事，我们都在上课，老师放幻灯片，所以屋里很暗，后排N个                                        

通宵高手立刻进入梦乡。。。老师生气的说：怎么又都倒下拉？你们都这么大了还用我给你                                        

们叫床吗？                                                                                                              
　　此话一出，全班兴奋无比！一直持续到下课！                                                                            



上小学时，有篇课文是“落花生”，老师让模仿着写一篇作文，结果我政治老师的儿子（我                                        

们同班）几乎全文照抄，只把课文里“花生”改成“萝卜”其中有一句：“爷爷说既然你们                                        

都爱吃花生，那就多种点花生吧”，结果那同学抄袭成：“爷爷说既然你们都爱吃萝卜，就                                        

多种点花生吧”，一直到我们小学毕业，这同学都是我们学校的笑星，一直引为笑谈。                                            


我一哥们特好教育别人，口头语是“不是我说你...”。有一次喝多了，教训另一个哥们：                                         
“不是我说多了喝你.....”众狂笑！                                                                                       


有一次碰到我师傅（女），问问近况！他指着喉咙！然后我说是不是前列腺发炎了！当时脱                                        

口而出！！！                                                                                                            



我最怕我的大舅了,有一天在集上看见了他,我一害怕脱口而出：“集！你也来赶舅了？”                                          


我同学的妈妈有一天说：“把衣服放电视机里甩干一下吧”。                                                                  

我说一件真事，我有一个高中同学，一次他骑车到我家。他骑到差不多一半的路的时候感觉                                        

要尿急，他就停下车，找了一个自以为没人的角落，拉开拉练，真当他尿的爽的时候，那扇                                        

灰朦朦的大门打开了，一下子涌出来无数的人。哦，那是电影院边门，那小子一下子晕倒！                                        

回来跟我说起这件事，我笑的不能控制自己了。                                                                              


有一次和同学在学校看投影，在放映后，因为屏幕上是双声，我同学大声说“老板换音道”                                        

（本来应是声道），看官们都知道音道谐什么音，同学是女的，简直羞死了！                                                    


以前耳朵不好,经常发炎,偶bf好心,去药店,对柜台小姐说:“要一瓶滴耳液.“结果你猜怎么                                        

着,小姐给了他一瓶“洁尔阴“!!!!不知道是bf发音有问题,还是小姐的思想在抛锚!!                                              


大学辅导员：（学生因看黄色录象被学校通报后教育我们）你们看看书就行了，看什么录象                                        

？                                                                                                                      


我同学的妈妈说话暴强，一次问同学的BF，某某某，你的眼镜是多少瓦的？                                                      
　　还有一回，冬天晚上睡觉，大概电热毯温度太高了，就对同学的爸爸说，喂，你把电热                                        

毯开到保鲜那一档                                                                                                        


我妈妈有颈椎病，天天往脖子上抹药，有天我问她：“你药（要）抹脖子了吗？”妈妈瞪着                                        

眼睛看着不解的我说：“我还没有打算自杀！”                                                                              



有一个小学生，上作文课，老师让他写作文，题目：我的**，于是他写我的老师。写完了，                                        

老师一看就晕了，第一句是：我的老师长着一张爪子脸。。。 （瓜子脸）                                                       

我同事说，“青卜萝菜，各有所爱”；“哪壶不提开哪壶”                                                                    

我小时候认识的影星：波丝小姬、博师药丸子                                                                                

高中时，我的同桌，上课时才冲进教室，满头大汗，偶们问她：为啥迟到？                                                      
她答：真是怪事，我早上才打的胎，怎么下午就没有气了呢？                                                                  
众人皆倒……                                                                                                            
--                                                                                                                      
 | 我是猪头 |                                                                                                           
 | 我会怕谁 |   ？？                                                                                                    
 |          |---_                                                                                                       
 |________/ ^  ^ \                                                                                                      
        \/| .  . |\                                                                                                     
         \( (oo) )                                                                                                      
--                                                                                                                      
※ Origin: 【北邮真情流露】 <bupt.org> ◆ From: 219.242.155.133                                                         

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※ 来源:·BBS 听涛站 tingtao.net·[FROM: 166.111.44.170]