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发信人: iceyer (若·薄夏轻欢), 信区: single       
标  题: 末
发信站: BBS 听涛站 (Sat Dec 31 14:58:51 2005), 转信

【壹】宛如归去                                                                                                          
                                                                                                                        
分明林末是记不起这许多了的。1月做了些什么。新年时同谁一起。餐厅坐了右还是左。靠                                         
窗还是正中。飞机来回飞了几次。统统共失了记忆。莫要说这些。是连年在何处过的也记得                                        
不怎么分明。这刹那便显出文字的好。                                                                                      
                                                                                                                        
林末终于为自己留存旧日信件找到了新的借口。诺。终有一日。是要连爱这件事情亦开始怀                                        
疑的.爱过谁。谁爱过。像是滴漏咖啡机啪嗒啪嗒的水汽氤氲镜面模糊边缘。终究也不是那                                         
么确切了。彷佛是自己的臆测。又如同真实在案。紧要有些凭证。晓得那时一颗玲珑心置何                                        
处。谁一腔爱如咒。                                                                                                      
                                                                                                                        
一月是湿漉的青苔在记忆中拧出墨绿而沉腻的线条。大抵是在家。南方固有的阴冷冬天。如                                        
旧日富太太一样缩了衣袖在屋里摸麻将。是了。便是了。记忆忽然打开了通道。除夕夜林末                                        
在家中餐厅吃晚餐。镜头直推趋前扫过齐南眉目。在伊阿姨家便是林末身后的小楼。林末扯                                        
着嗓子大声叫齐南的名字。给我出来。齐南。我吃饱了。你给我出来。然后齐南便懒洋洋地                                        
出来说林末你有病啊叫这么大声。两人便隔了林末家餐厅的窗户玻璃絮絮的说话。至母亲出                                        
来唤他们。说好生有门不走。隔着一面玻璃作甚。                                                                            
                                                                                                                        
便让林末与齐南去放烟火。那烟火在掌上绽放似蝴蝶。                                                                        
而。                                                                                                                    
天却下起雨来。                                                                                                          
                                                                                                                        
【贰】时光中彼此走散                                                                                                    
                                                                                                                        
周日的索多玛城。像西西弗一样荒谬的幸福。不易居。                                                                        
二月记事本上仅有的痕迹。林末能想起来的还有一个玻璃瓶一些叶子和一段公车上穿行的午                                        
后。                                                                                                                    
而今想起来也许时光在这里交错。归人不归。良人何在。                                                                      
达达的马蹄在岔道口停了停。便往另一条路去了。是在这里。彼此失散的。                                                      
林末。很久很久以后透过时光界限回头窥望方领悟。那时是已错过彼此容颜。                                                    
而往后只是回首的姿态叫彼此都会错意成了眷恋。                                                                            
                                                                                                                        
二月有至大件事。                                                                                                        
二月用凉薄的姿态将林末推出十字末的大门。                                                                                
从此林末亦从众生相。笑以当哭。                                                                                          
                                                                                                                        
                                                                                                                        
【叁】烟波蓝                                                                                                            
                                                                                                                        
三四五月是眸底的烟波蓝。                                                                                                
简姓女子说。浮世若不扰镶。恩恩怨怨就荡不开了。                                                                          
缘此。如铁轨一路伸延平铺直叙。轰隆隆碾过这二十打头的岁月。竟是半点痕迹也未留下。                                        
心情么。无非是忧伤似小尘埃。阳光一打量。便受不住这温暖纷纷扬扬落下。                                                    
                                                                                                                        
自林末读《只缘身在此山中》起已足有六年。而如今想起来，仍是那一句                                                        
山中若有眠。枕的是月。                                                                                                  
安静女子并不易做。而林末心有桀骜却不生欲望。添几副耳坠便风声水起过完一个春季。                                          
                                                                                                                        
【肆】醉笑陪君三万场，不诉离别。                                                                                        
                                                                                                                        
六月见旧人。                                                                                                            
这月份是蛊。是咒。是阿修罗。                                                                                            
                                                                                                                        
七月要分别。                                                                                                            
酒醉肠未断，泪先流。                                                                                                    
林末在窄小的洗手间失声痛哭。不可抑制不欲停止。                                                                          
至众人慌。至眼不见。整整三个小时不停的眼泪终于盛大地祭奠三年前那一场阴差阳错的离                                        
开。                                                                                                                    
                                                                                                                        
林末在钱柜的声色靡丽中疲惫地睡去。                                                                                      
体内有密不可分的片断记忆在逐渐剥离。那一日起。林末知。抽身有望。                                                        
西西弗终可不再推巨石。                                                                                                  
                                                                                                                        
与朋友们拥抱饮酒互诉衷肠。                                                                                              
有前所未有的感动与欣慰。灌一杯酒。就此埋葬那些历历在目耿耿于怀的遗憾伤感与疼痛。                                        
真心的告白道谢致歉怀念叫林末除却流泪竟无他法。                                                                          
怀抱温暖。林末在恍惚中觉得自己实在错过许多。而过往是泼水在地。断不可重来。                                              
                                                                                                                        
林末重返盒子。                                                                                                          
午夜两点在东门外路边的台阶前蹲下来沉默地哭泣。夜风轻微地冷。                                                            
仲。有一场路边挣扎的拥抱。那人有泪滴下来。落在林末颈上。                                                                
林末如施魔咒。瞬间不可动弹。心里有千军万马奔赴而过。而最后只余叹息一声。                                                
怀抱似暖炉。女子如林末不可贪恋。                                                                                        
                                                                                                                        
【伍】世界安静下来                                                                                                      
                                                                                                                        
八月红茶馆。                                                                                                            
绿从北京带两枚戒指与林末。                                                                                              
一枚暗哑。有横陈的古怪图腾。一枚光鲜。有绿色宝石折射耀眼光芒。                                                          
世界从此安静下来。                                                                                                      
                                                                                                                        
绿同风有短暂佳话而夭折。撇开不计。                                                                                      
单记牢如孩童一般玩水至周身湿透狼狈不堪即可。                                                                            
                                                                                                                        
后有齐南奔赴而来。日子愈发鲜美而满足。他们是家是壁炉是路灯。是一切温暖安全所在。                                        
整日对牢无语也惬意。                                                                                                    
                                                                                                                        
【陆】失城                                                                                                              
                                                                                                                        
有人生中最猛烈的冲击。林末亦有回头写。匆匆一个电话直飞香港。此后不眠不休整三日。                                        
却也无泪可流。彼时心境之冷之绝望无可比拟不可名状。而此后林末只是林末。                                                  
而此后林末再不是林末。                                                                                                  
                                                                                                                        
随父母重返普陀。吐纳佛堂轻烟。                                                                                          
三千青丝烦恼终于缓慢散去。                                                                                              
即便是妖精。佛也度了。从此只为人。                                                                                      
                                                                                                                        
林末临行前上海南京路的必胜客中见到突然现身的齐南。                                                                      
原来一切铺垫是苦心经营的惊喜。                                                                                          
可怜林末还将伊从头骂到尾。没有良心不讲义气不来送行天打雷劈。                                                            
林末对牢齐南和豆豆。想。到头来还是你们。只有你们。                                                                      
                                                                                                                        
【柒】失语症                                                                                                            
                                                                                                                        
而这一次是病入膏肓。                                                                                                    
林末再不可轻易言语。无论如何努力。或者亦是强大。                                                                        
因。疾苦与忧伤一并收拢。琐碎杂事应接不暇。                                                                              
且有爱不断流失。不断流失像雨后泥石流。混浊不清地夹杂而下。                                                              
林末只得一个人。其实由始至终。一直如此。                                                                                
                                                                                                                        
林末终于可以静默着看着一切发生结束结束发生而不触及灵魂地忧伤。                                                          
她愈发地瘦。背后蝴蝶骨凌厉。                                                                                            
                                                                                                                        
是否她终究会不可避免地成为凛冽的女子。林末念及此会颤抖。                                                                
她与世界在坚强的对白中两厢遗忘。林末是这样的女子。                                                                      
便是伸手要爱都觉得罪孽深重可入十八层地狱。大抵是不得爱的。                                                              
                                                                                                                        
这是她的罪。                                                                                                            
                                                                                                                        
这个岁末。林末竟还无容身之所。                                                                                          
                                                                                                                        
记忆如电影胶片拉伸。林末闭上眼睛便自动回放。                                                                            
17岁自己与两个硕大行李箱在香港明黄斑马线前伫立。                                                                        
18岁自己在明尼阿伯利斯海关狼狈推着两个行李箱。                                                                          
19岁自己在紫荆公寓前坐在行李箱上望着天等待一个住所。                                                                    
                                                                                                                        
过去这么多年。而一切竟然没有改变。                                                                                      
林末仍是林末。行李箱仍是行李箱。                                                                                        
只有她愈行愈远。手心荒芜。                         
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而大海就象魔法阻隔于你我之间


※ 来源:·BBS 听涛站 tingtao.net·[FROM: 202.205.10.141]